Beyond “Poor Communication”: What’s Really Happening

Why “There Is No Communication” Rarely Means What We Think

I often look for themes that surface across coaching sessions. Communication has come up regularly. Managers think that they are communicating, and employees feel they aren’t being communicated with. Both are often right.

Statements like, ‘There is no communication. ‘Communication is the key.’ These statements are too broad to be useful. They don’t tell us what’s actually happening, and they don’t help us understand what needs to change.

I was often told that you can’t change what others do, but you can change what you do. This has value, but it also has limits. When I bring this together with a no‑blame approach, a more helpful question emerges:

If someone says communication is poor, what do they actually mean?

Communication breakdowns are rarely about communication alone. They are usually shaped by structure, relationships, psychological safety, and the meaning people attach to information. When we explore these layers, things become clearer.

Environmental and structural blockers

Sometimes the issue is not intention but environment, timing, or process.

• The employee is not getting the information they need

• Events or changes seem sprung rather than planned

• Information is shared but not in a format that works for them

• The manager is busy and unintentionally withholding

• The method of communication doesn’t match the person’s processing style

When we understand the reason, we can explore where changes can be made.

Relational and organisational dynamics

Communication is shaped by relationships, culture, and power, often more than by the message itself.

• Other people know but they don’t

• The manager believes they don’t need to know

• There is a reason they “shouldn’t” know

• Awareness is implied or assumed

• There is a power or personality conflict

• Someone is avoiding difficult conversations

• The environment doesn’t feel safe enough to communicate effectively

• There are mismatches in the cultural language of the organisation

Cultural language difference

Every organisation, team, profession, even family or friendship group, develops its own shared language. It evolves, gradually and often unconsciously. It can include jargon, shorthand, humour or references that make perfect sense to insiders and leave others feeling lost, e.g. in our house we refer to cranberry sauce as chicken jam.

I remember a social worker who grew up in English‑speaking countries but struggled to follow conversations when they moved to Britain. They described it as a “language barrier” despite speaking English fluently. Culture shapes communication more than we realise.

The same is true between managers and employees, or between different teams. Sometimes people are excluded without anyone intending it.

Transactional Analysis - who holds the power?

Power in communication is rarely fixed. Each party holds some power, but the extent to which they understand and use it varies. If someone isn’t communicating effectively with you, you can complain, or you can state what you need. That requires clarity: “To be communicated to” is too broad. What exactly do you need to know? In what format? By when?

Duhigg (2024) highlights that communication often fails because people expect different outcomes. I also wonder whether we feel that communication is failing because information becomes tied to power. If I withhold information, I create a power imbalance. I can decide what I tell you, or not. Is this power imbalance, resulting from a genuine need, or my ego?

When we understand what is happening for the individual, we can approach this with curiosity rather than judgement.

Internal states and capacity

Sometimes the barrier is internal rather than structural or relational.

• The person feels unsafe

• They are overwhelmed or overloaded

• They are avoiding something difficult

• They assume they “should already know”

• Past experiences shape how they interpret the present

These internal states can make even clear communication hard to receive.

Exploring the detail behind communication feedback

When a leader hears that communication needs to improve, or when their message repeatedly goes unheard, it can create frustration, disappointment, or even anger. But broad statements don’t help us understand what’s actually happening.

Exploration helps. I like to work with examples as they can challenge the general statement and help my understanding. I ask questions like:

• What methods are being used to communicate?

• What context has been given or is needed?

• What words/language structures are being used?

• How many times has the audience heard this before?

• What has been successful previously? What made this successful?

• How do you want them to respond? What do you want to hear?

• What do you need to know?

• What is the hierarchy within the message? What is the key thing?

These questions move us from general statements to specific insight.

How to build communication that works for you and others

Once we understand the layers beneath the problem, we can begin to make meaningful change. Communication improves when both sides take ownership of their part.

• Create predictable rhythms of communication

• Check understanding rather than assuming it

• Share context, not just instructions

• Invite upward communication

• Make information accessible in multiple formats or actively consider how the format will be received. Will they really read that long email?

• Understand what you need from others and why. Then ask for it.

Communication is not a single act but a relationship, shaped by safety, clarity, culture, and power. When we explore it with curiosity rather than blame, we create the conditions for people to understand each other better.

Charles Duhigg (2024) - Super communicators - How to unlock the secret language of connection