Finding Clarity and Connection in Conversations with Parents

Communication barriers come up often in my work. It can feel as though there’s a language gap that gets in the way of a clear, practical conversation. When that happens, frustration and judgment build, and both sides can slip into burnout — showing up as aggression, power struggles, or stepping back altogether, all of which make collaboration harder.

My parenting experience

As a foster carer, I often found myself facing professionals, needing support, and hoping to be heard. I wasn’t looking for judgement. I needed someone to listen and work things through with me. Instead, I sometimes saw the dismissive look or heard the tone that suggested I wasn’t doing enough. It eroded my confidence at a time when I needed strength to care for vulnerable children.

Those experiences shaped me. They pushed me to learn, to train, and to be kind to myself. They were also evidence that parents and carers hold deep knowledge about their children, knowledge that professionals don’t always see.

My professional experience

As a teacher and SENDCO, I met many parents who had felt dismissed or unheard. Early in my career, I made some of the same mistakes — reassuring too quickly, using the word “fine”, or assuming I understood the situation. Over time, I learned to listen differently. Those lessons shaped my work as a SENDCO and now shape my coaching with both parents and professionals.

Here are some principles I return to when I’m supporting conversations between parents and professionals.

Start with curiosity

• Ask open questions that help you understand the child’s world: “What are you noticing at home?”

• Use TED prompts (Tell me… Explain… Describe…) to deepen understanding without pressure.

• Be genuinely curious about and share what helps the child in home and school.

  
  

Share information clearly and respectfully

• Avoid minimising a parent’s experience. Instead of “He’s fine at school,” try “Here’s what I’m seeing — what’s it like at home?”

• Use plain language and avoid acronyms unless you explain them.

• Check understanding gently, not with “Do you understand?” but with “What are your thoughts on this so far.”

Acknowledge emotion and power

• Notice when a parent is overwhelmed and slow the pace before moving to problem‑solving.

• Acknowledge the power imbalance - even a simple “There’s a lot in this. Let’s take it one step at a time.” helps reduce defensiveness.

• Validate their expertise - parents know their child best, and saying so builds trust.

Build a shared picture

• Share what’s working at school and ask what works at home — look for patterns, strengths and triggers.

• Avoid assumptions about parenting, capacity or motivation. For instance, they have tried being firmer. If you want to know, try, ‘What happens when you are firm?’

• Recognise after‑school distress and other common stress patterns; they often explain behaviour differences.

Work together on next steps

• Co‑create a plan, rather than presenting one.

• Agree what will happen next, who will do what, and when you’ll check in again.

• Keep the focus on the child, not on blame, frustration or deficit.

Acknowledge your own need for support

• Remember that aggression is often a stress response, not a personal attack.

• Stay regulated yourself — your calm nervous system helps co‑regulate the parent’s.

• If you are struggling, name it internally and pause. Take a breath, slow your speech, or suggest a short break. Regulation is a shared process, and it’s okay to steady yourself before continuing. If you notice yourself becoming defensive, overwhelmed or activated, pause. Your regulation sets the tone. It’s better to slow down than to push through dysregulation.

These conversations aren’t always easy, but they can be transformative when we approach them with curiosity, clarity and compassion.

If you want to develop more confident, compassionate communication with parents and carers, this is exactly the kind of work I help professionals with. Get in touch!