What If Confidence Isn’t What We Think It Is?

What is confidence, really? What if low confidence is just a signal to shift something?

People often talk about confidence as if it’s a fixed personality trait — something you either have or you don’t. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. It appeared in my school testimonial in the 80s, it has followed me into adulthood, and yet… I still sometimes feel I don’t have enough of it.

Interestingly, others often describe me as confident. I “walk tall”, which might trace back to an unmet childhood longing to be a ballet dancer — to move with flow, grace and a sense of space. So is their perception correct? I have confidence, and I also lack it. Both can be true at the same time.

Recently, someone asked if I could coach them to have more confidence. I didn’t want to treat confidence as a destination. Instead, we explored what they would do if they felt more confident — and what currently isn’t happening because confidence feels low. That conversation revealed something important: it’s not confidence itself we chase, but the behaviours, environments and mindsets that make confidence possible. Confidence also gives us a sensation. For me that’s freedom, achievement and wellbeing.

I’ve come to see confidence as a response — like anger, happiness or excitement — shaped by our social, emotional and physical environment. For me, confidence grows when I have:

·       Knowledge and skills or a plan to build them

·       Body language, posture and presentation

·       Clear, calm voice

·       A supportive environment

·       A sense that my contribution matters

·       Having the support of family

·       Good health and wellbeing

Any of these being “off” can make my confidence wax and wane.

Last week, after talking about “needing more confidence”, I paused to reflect. What if the issue isn’t that I lack confidence, but that moments of low confidence are simply signals? Signals to adjust something so confidence can come forward again. To:

·       Identify learning and skills needed and mapping a plan

·       Check in with my body and adjust posture

·       Use silence more intentionally; slowing my pace; choosing language with care

·       Know who my true supporters are – those who will give both helpful criticism and genuine praise

·       Revisit positive feedback

·       Spend meaningful time with family

·       Take time to exercise, eat well, drink water and reduce screen time.

In the past, I’ve sometimes placed low confidence in the same basket as shame — but it doesn’t have to sit there. If you’re noticing dips in your confidence, it might simply be an invitation to look at what needs to shift.

If this resonates and you’d like to explore it more deeply, coaching can help.

Get in touch if you’d like to start that conversation.

#Confidence #Coaching #SelfReflection #PersonalGrowth #LeadershipDevelopment